Thursday, March 30, 2006
In Memory of My Mother; Mary Ellen
Tomorrow, will be 7yrs without my mother. I'll never forget the last time I saw her. She was lying unconscious at the hospital. As I was stroking her hair and holding her hands, they were already getting cold. I could hear all the machines that were keeping her alive. I said, "Mom, it's okay, you can go home. We will be okay." I was trying to be strong for her but my heart was saying, "No mom, you can't leave, I need you! You need to be here to see my baby be born. I don't want you to go. I love you."
My dad, sisters and I decided that we should stop the machines and let her go. The Dr. said her body was already shutting down. I didn't want to leave the hospital. I felt like we were leaving her behind. I kept hoping that she would wake up. I asked God to please let her wake up. It sounds crazy but I kept asking until her coffin was buried.
My mom had two grandchildren & one on the way ( I was Pregnant with Annette)when she passed away. My mother always wanted lots of grandchildren. Now, she has 10. My mother was a lovely person. She loved watching Little House, Ann of Green Gables and Little Women. She loved to read, sew, and watch Star Trek with my sister MaryEllen. My mother and I loved a good cup of coffee and each others company. We had lots of long talks in her little kitchen and coffee from her Bunn coffee maker. We all pitched in to buy that for her one Mothers Day.
I miss the way she use to do a jig when she was happy. I miss her laugh and hugs. I miss her beautiful face.
Before my mom became sick I wrote her a Thank You Letter. I thanked her for all the cakes she baked for my birthdays. When I was younger I didn't appreciate them, but now that I am older I look back and thought how my mom lovingly made those cakes. I thanked her for all her hard work of cooking, cleaning and loving us. I told her I was sorry for all the times I griped and complained about my chores. Even now I wish I had helped out more. I thanked her for all the clothes and dolls she sewed for us. Sometimes when I would wake up at night, I would hear my mom's sewing machine. I thanked her for always praying for me.
Now that I am a mother, I realize all that she sacrificed for us. She didn't have to do all that she did for us. We didn't have a lot of money, but the way mom took care of us we didn't know. She would take us to the library, park and even to all her Dr/Dentist appt. She never made us feel like we were bothering her or interrupting her. She always had time for us.
When my children were born, it was hard because my mother wasn’t there to see my new baby. My husband and I would stop at the cemetery on the way home and I would get out of the car with my baby and tell my little one about grandma.
I love you mom and miss you very much. You are always in my heart and your grandchildren know you.