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Growing Up & Growing Older

Can I be real with y'all right now? Like no judging real? I'm having a hard time letting my babies grow up. Not hard has in letting them spread their wings. I mean in my heart. This is emotionally heart-hurt if that helps you understand.
If you would have told me (and moms did) when I had six kids under the age of 6 that they grow up so fast I wouldn't have believed you (didn't believe). With so much wonderful chaos going on with diapers, poopy all over the crib, things being flushed down the toilet, and the running around like a mad woman aka. loving mama, just trying to keep her kids safe! I didn't always stop to smell the poop, I mean flowers. 
Looking back, and I can't get caught up in this because it can rob me of joy, joy that I need today with my kids now =) - but looking back I can see many areas that I'd do so differently. I'm not going to dwell on that because I can't. It's too much. But every-so-often I do then I have to tell myself to get-over-it and see all that I did do like stay up all night with my babies. How I took the time to play with them and make them laugh. The times that we chased each other with the water-hose. The times that we just laughed because someone snorted.
I guess I'm just missing the littleness of my kiddos. With Joshua graduating this year and knowing the whole dynamics of our home will be changing because of it. I have more children in high school than grade school now. 
Knowing that one after another (stair-step kids) they will be graduating and finding their place in the world is not easy on this mama. I'm there for them, not holding them back, letting them make their mistakes but like I said, it's hard stepping back and letting them be who God wants them to be, allowing them to grow up. It's so easy to shelter and make all the decisions for them but I know that's not how God intended it to be.


And can I be even more real. The past two years have been really, really, hard for this over 40 year old mama! My heartaches to hold onto my children. I see my life zooming so fast. In the light of eternity it's a little speck of time I know. I look into the mirror and see an older woman now. One that can no longer bear children. I'm starting a whole new chapter too. I'm growing up or should I say older :)
I need to embrace this new woman and it's hard at times. I want to be young again -chasing toddlers. Again I know I must not dwell on this. I can't go back  to those days. Slowly I'm embracing my 40's. I'm almost half way through them and I'm ashamed for wasting that time wanting something I can't have. 

I'm thankful for a super hubby. He's always telling me how beautiful I am and that we are growing older together. He loves each new gray hair, extra roll (lol), and what gravity has done to my body, haha. He's truly encouraging and huge support to me during this time for me (crazy hormonal woman!). Sometimes I do believe he got the short end of the stick as they say. 
I'm thankful for the wonderful relationship we have. Lupe still dates me. He takes me out every Saturday. He still opens doors for me (except through the toddler years when we had three car seats going). He treats me like a queen, even though we've been married for almost 20 years. He still calls me his delicate butterfly.

Most of all, I'm so grateful that my Sweets loves the Lord. He's a true blessing. Thank you Jesus for my hubby. My children will grow up and move away but my Sweets will be here still, loving me through the hardness of letting my babies go. His shoulder will be the one I cry on as we wave our last goodbye (not forever goodbye, just they are leaving the house goodbye).

Currently I'm so happy I still have kids at home so I really need to get off this computer and go tend to them while they're here. Loving that they still like hanging out with there mama playing Bananagrams and having read aloud times. 

Thank you Jesus for my hubby, my babies, my life!
They are growing up!

 I'm growing older.
 With the LOVE of my life =)

 So thankful for my little ones who are not so little anymore.
I'll survive because of my Jesus & my beloved. 





8 comments

  1. {{hugs}} just don't seem enough and I know the feelings that you are sharing. They are the real raw part of the mommy heart that we often just have to swallow with a lump in our throat as our children continue to grow up. I share the same heartache of growing older and it's been a hard season of life to embrace when I hurt, too. I wish I had words of comfort, but I can pray beside and with you and I know that we will get through this. Much love to you.

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    1. (((hugs))) to you my friend. Thank you for understanding. I didn't want to come across as complaining and whining. It's real and it's there but I continue to push it aside so I can enjoy the now with my kiddos.

      I'm sorry for the pain you are going through -love & (((hugs)))

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    2. I'm sipping some hot tea in our friendship mugs and thinking of you. I hope that you are have a nice relaxing evening.

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    3. I was drinking a hot cup of java the other day and thought of you :)

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  2. Oh my goodness Lou, that was beautifully written; I could have written that! :) I know exactly what you mean & feel. I too sometimes look at a picture or read a journal entry and sigh. I miss those days. I then come back to the now and tell myself the same thing, 'enjoy them now too as teenagers', which I do, but I have to remember not to stay in the past too long or yes, I will rob myself of today.

    And about the older lady in the mirror, lol, yup I do the same thing. I feel twenty-six and when I look in the mirror I am like, who are you!! lol! But I too am learning to accept growing older.

    Lupe is a gem, as is Don. I am thankful for a husband who can still look at me and get chills. :)

    Here's to growing older, wiser, and more beautiful. Love ya sis!!

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    1. Your words got me all teary eyed, you understand, thank you for that. It's amazing how letting our babies grow up is so hard, lol. I totally love every step of the way, sleepless nights to my boys wanting to dominate the household but yeah, it's hard.
      Love you!

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  3. I don't have kids, but the funny thing is, I feel that way with your kids, LOL. I just actually finished writing a blog post and mentioned how I need to treasure the visits because soon my nieces and nephews will be in college and not coming to stay for the summer. Love you lots Sis, and I'm thankful for the wonderful kids you and Lupe raised! They are a wonderful blessing. :)

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    1. Oh, can't wait to read your blog post. I love reading about what you and the kids do. I need to print those post off and put them in a binder.

      It's amazing how fast they grow huh? Seems like yesterday they were so little and you were taking them for their 4yr. old Brownie pics =)

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